me. my thoughts. my expression.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

I have a bruise.

I walked pass the trees and bushes at the park nearby our house. I made a way for myself to reach the high ladder of the public slide. I was excited about it. I wanted to try it since it was placed there.

I held the bars tightly, but not too much. I reached for the next as I climbed one step higher in each movement. My hands are sweaty, and add that I'm nervous. I'm alone. No one is at the end to catch me if I fell. I'm scared. Nevertheless, I continued.

There were other people in the park. I paused my climbing and stared at some other kids. They were with their Mom's and/or Dad's. A few seconds of staring and then I went back to my business. 'I wish Mom was here', was all I said to myself.

Then the scene of the earlier conversation I had with Mom that day, I kept bugging Mom to let me play in the park. She was hesitant, of course. But I persuaded her and she gave me her doubtful 'yes'.

I continued my steps and I was about to reach the top when my fingers slipped. I tried to hold the bars but my hands panicked and I felt like the world was in total darkness. I fell too fast, like all my efforts of the past 3 minutes to reach where I was suddenly disappeared in a snap. Before I know it, I was on the ground, with my foot broke, I guess, and my head spinning. I tried to stand up but I was too weak. I feel like my body is glued on the grassy but hard soil.

Kids started to surround me. I saw a hand that offered to me to lift me up. I gladly reached for it and I was able to sit down. I looked at the face of the person who helped me, a little boy, probably my age, whose got those tiny little eyes, maybe a little more closer than mine, with a shoulder-length black hair, which is a little shorter than mine, and whose smile simply made me feel better.

'What's your name?', the boy asked.

'Sab', I said in my shaky voice.

'Are you hurt?', he said as he tried to lift me to help me stand up.

'I'm fine', I said as I tried to clear my throat.

'I just want to go home.', I continued.

I started walking my way back to our house. I was teary-eyed. I know Mom will get angry with me. I should've been extra careful. Yes, just extra careful. I do not regret going to the park and trying to climb the big slide. I just wished I was extra careful. She would be angry. Of course, she's my mom.

I went inside the house. I wanted to go to dad first but he was watching tv. I did not want to disturb him because I know he loves watching tv too much. I was about to go to Mom when she suddenly approached me. She saw the bruise I had in my arm, which I did not really see when I was in the park.

'What happened?', mom said in her high toned voice.

I was on the verge of crying. I wanted to cry out loud but I was scared of Mom. She would just be angrier if I cried hard. 'I fell while climbing the slide', I said in a very soft manner.

Mom started telling me the usual, 'I told you this blah blah blah..' and her 'You should have blah blah blah...' I was listening, really. But I cannot control the tears anymore so they bursted out. I hate how she makes me feel so wrong when in truth, I did not do anything wrong. It was an accident. Yes, I could've done something better, like be extra more careful but I wanted to climb the slide. I wanted to play. I wanted to feel the feeling of going up there and going down with all the adrenaline rush I can have. I don't want to know that I made a mistake. I just wanted to experience something...on my own.

I rushed to my dad and I made him see my bruise. He held it and brushed it a little with his fingers. he held my arm, like he was trying to cast a spell on it to make it heal. But my daddy's not a magician, a fairy god father, or not anything like it. He was plainly and amazingly my dad.

'It's okay, sweetheart. It's going to heal.', he said in the tone I loved hearing. It was as if it carried a spell on it, like it can remove any pain I felt, physically and emotionally.

'Next time you go there, be sure you know what to do okay? You should learn your lesson.', my dad added after maybe a minute of trying to calm me down.

I nodded to him and said my sincerest sorry. He smiled at me as he said in a soft voice, 'Don't say sorry. It was no one's fault. You just wanted to play, sweetheart. But please careful next time okay?'

I went to my room to put some medication in my bruise. It will heal, just like what my dad said. I trust his words. But then, would my other bruise heal? The one that I got with Mom?

*******

I remembered all of these while I was cleaning my room. I'm about to move out. That incident happened when I was 7 or 8. I would not forget about that because that was the very first time that I went to the park alone. And that was the exact day when I started telling myself that for every bruise or every wound, like what my dad said, 'it will heal.' After that day, I became more confident and I became a little braver as each day passed. I did not mind getting bruises. They'll surely heal anyway.

I haven't seen the little boy in the park after my accident. Up until this moment, I still wonder what his name is, where he lives, and if I'll see him again, that little boy who's probably my age, whose got those tiny little eyes, maybe a little more closer than mine, with a shoulder-length black hair, just an inch or two shorter than mine, and whose smile simply made me feel better.. I just hope that wherever he is, he knows that someone like me, someone he helped in standing up, exists. And if love at first sight is true at all, I guess I'm one of the witnesses.

**not a true story

posted by Carmela @ 9:42:00 PM

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