| Sunday, September 6, 2009 |
| Some randoms..not? |
Life is not long, and too much of it must not pass in idle deliberation on how it shall be spent.
- Samuel Johnson
Lately, I've been thinking too much. I'm psychologically and physically tired.
Well, it's not a surprise that school is killing me. Not just me, but a lot of students! I always have an issue with time. I want more time. You know that half-meant joke where one wishes to have a 25/8 week? I am one of the people who say that now. Geez.
I find it hard to squeeze all the things I need to do in just a short time. And then I have to go home at least once a week. Hindi pwedeng hinde. Well, I can. It's just that my Mom would be so nagging about it. She's not used to this yet - this me not going home. And of course, I also want to go home. I miss home. So much. But sometimes, I find it hard to leave things behind. I find it hard not to stay connected to the work I left in Manila..which makes me feel frustrated sometimes. I cannot rest, like rest talaga. Because I have a lot of things in mind..all those things that need to be done. I sometimes become guilty for resting!
True enough, how I live my life now is okay. I can see that I am being productive. I am able to finish things. Although I feel super duper exhausted, I'm fine...or at least I try to be. I just keep in mind that it's going to be rest time in a few weeks. O sembreak, I can't wait!
Despite the fact that I am mega busy with school, I could not deny the fact that there are still idle moments in my life. You know, those times when you're doing your work and suddenly you stop and then think. Well, this idle moment happens to me often when I am in the bus. I tend to think about things..how I'm going to live my life..where I'm going to go..what I'm going to be.
How am I going to live my life? Where am I going to go? What am I going to be?
I find no answer despite the bugging questions of my thoughts. My heart beats for many things! I love where I am. I love CA. O I love it more than any course I can ever have! But I am so hating this moment in my relationship with my course (okay, I cannot fully grasp what word to use instead of relationship, so just try to understand). I am doubting. I am doubting if I still want to be here, if I still like this to be my life. I hate it. I hate it because I know deep inside my heart and my mind, this is what I want. It bothers me now. I feel frustrated for feeling this. Maybe this was brought by the exhaustion from school works and all. But I hope it fades soon. This is what I want. But I'm really not feeling that now. And this makes me sad. This makes me confuse!
I feel like there are two paths for me. I have one smooth sailing path - CA. And then I have this rough one too! Both of these do not have a clear end point. Of course, nothing is really definite in this life. However, one thing's for sure. I am going to and I will finish CA before doing something else. This is not a bad decision, and I believe it is right. Well, I just hope I gain my feelings towards it back. Maybe I just need to rest for a while, eh?
Life is not long, and too much of it must not pass in idle deliberation on how it shall be spent. But I always find myself thinking. I used to be so spontaneous. I do not plan ahead. I do not think too much of the future. I just live life to how I feel will make me happy. I am just a happy-go-lucky little girl. Yes, I used to be just a little girl..I've grown up. Haven't I?
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posted by Carmela @ 9:59:00 PM  |
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| "-'At any given moment in our lives, there are certain things that could've happened but did not'- By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept, Paulo Coelho |
| About Me |
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Name: Carmela
Home: Angeles City, Regio iii, Philippines
About Me: i'm someone worth knowing. i love to express my thoughts so here i am. i'm only sixteen and i'll be a college freshie soon @ UST, going to take up AB-Communication Arts.
"i'm shallow enough to appreciate bits of life's pleasures"
See my complete profile
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